1. The only question you asked today was, "Did you brush your teeth?"

"We need to make sure we are giving children one-on-one positive attention" when they aren't causing trouble, says Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World . Otherwise, you're training them that only bad behavior will get your undivided attention . Find a minute to talk or just sit together so your child doesn't have to act rotten to get some time with you. Because they will. Anything for time with you. You're totally a celebrity to your kid.

2. You love that time-out chair.

Oh sure, this sounds like a good solution. But when you rely on that chair, you're not addressing what put your child in it. "Blanket consequences are typically focused on what happened in the past—you did this, so I'm giving you this punishment—rather than on solutions that are going to help that child be more successful in the future," says McCready. "That's why time-outs are a total waste of time. We have to look for specific solutions to the specific behavior." If a break helps her calm down, great—but otherwise, come up with something more relevant (like picking up the tea set she just threw to the floor in a fit of rage).

3. You take away video games when he acts up in school.

This is the older kid version of the time-out chair. You know this is a punishment that'll make your kid sit up and take notice, but… what, exactly, does Minecraft have to do with talking to his buddy when the teacher was talking? It doesn't match. "It's totally understandable to panic when our kids aren't successful in school," says McCready, "But behavior is always telling us something. Is he having trouble focusing? Staying on task? Is there a power struggle with the teacher? Does he need to sit closer to her?" Go back to all that before you knee-jerk the no-video-games. If you avoid those harder questions, you'll just get more annoying behavior that's masking inner frustration—he needs your help sorting through that.

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4. You give him one more chance.

AKA letting your kid get away with something. Wrong: "Don't throw your food at the restaurant." "If you throw your food, we have to leave." "That was a little throw, but if you do it again, we're going to the car for a break." "One more time like that and then we are definitely leaving and not coming back." Right: "If you decide to throw your food again, which as you know is against our rules, we will go sit in the car until Daddy and Ava finish eating, and then we will all go home." "You chose to throw your food, so we are going to the car." And then you go to the car—and you do not play games or sing songs when you're there. See the difference? "It might stink for you this time," McCready says, "but it's not going to happen again."

5. You scroll through Facebook even when you don't really care what's there.

Well, you knew this was coming: the phone addiction. We all have work to do, we all have to talk to other adults so we won't pull our eyebrows out, but how often are we doing dumb things on our phones when our kids kind of want to tell us about their latest Lego creation? That's at least as interesting as drunk people making pie, so put the thing down already or risk the child dumping Legos onto the dog to see if you'll notice.

6. You say, "You should know better!"

Does she? Does she really? How specific were you about how to act in this situation? She's going to try out different ways of being unless you tell her in advance what's okay and what isn't. She's not necessarily trying to be annoying—unless she thinks that's the only way to get your attention (see #1)—she's just trying to figure out what to do. Clear up the confusion, watch your child be a little closer to angelic.

7. You've told her how to act.

Wait, didn't we just tell you to… No, actually. You've got to be specific, but the best way to do that is to practice what to do when she wants to interrupt you, when she is asking for a snack, when she is talking to grown-ups. You know it works better to learn something by doing than just by listening. "Role play it both ways," McCready adds. "Do it with you as the parent and then switch and pretend the be the child." Act out the bad behavior—hilarity will ensue and your kid will love correcting you. And will get it.

8. You get embarrassed in front of other parents.

There's this problem with parenting in public: Everybody says "let the kids work it out," but when your child is the one grabbing little Dylan's tricycle, and you see Dylan's mommy's pinched face, forget it. "Pulling your kid out and totally reprimanding him is often just for the benefit of the other adult," McCready points out. This doesn't mean standing on the sidelines thinking Dylan had better man up—it might mean stepping in and saying, "Wow, it looks like you two are having a hard time getting along. What can we do about this?"

9. You give her a sticker when she's good.

Oh, rewards. So much better than punishments, right? To emphasize the behavior you want to keep seeing? "Where a sticker is enticing to begin with, then it's a quarter, and then it's a Playstation game, and then it's a new car. Where does it end?" McCready asks. "When we reward kids for certain behaviors, they're actually less interested in doing them. The external reward diminishes the intrinsic motivation for that behavior." And you wind up with a kid who acts up until you raise the ante of what she gets for being "good." Instead, make good behavior part of the normal routine: "When your bed is made and your hair is combed, then we'll have breakfast. But remember, the kitchen closes at 7:30."

10. You're as stubborn as he is.

"Trying to fight with a child when they're upset is only going to escalate," says McCready. "Take the wind out of the sail. The power struggle is the wind. You are the sail. Remove yourself." Go to the other room, chill yourself out, and start again more peacefully.

11. You don't think your kid is ever annoying.

He is, sometimes. Because nobody's perfect and nobody does this stuff so elegantly every time. Acknowledging that we all end up with a screaming child at Target eventually is good for you, good for your kid, and good for the other mom who just abandoned her cart in the Seasonal aisle.